How to Shield Kids From Toxic Loyalty Conflicts After Divorce
Getting divorced isn’t easy for anyone, but it’s especially difficult for young children. They can feel torn between their parents, or forced to feel that they have to take sides with one against the other. That can create toxic emotions that affect the overall mental health of the children, so it’s important for both parents to do what they can to eliminate that type of situation.
Find Common Ground
Complicated family relationships will make a divorce even more complicated, but there will come a time to set aside the strong emotions that led to the divorce. If you can’t communicate civilly with your spouse, getting a fair custody arrangement will become more difficult.
Instead of letting this situation get out of control, meet with your spouse privately and discuss how to parent your children together. This means letting go of the hate and being especially careful not to talk badly about one another in front of your children. Your goal should be to show your children that their relationships with both of you won’t change.
Family Night Is More Important Than Ever
Even if you have never had an official family night in the past, starting this tradition may be a good idea. It will give your kids a greater sense of stability while giving everyone a chance to have fun together.
If you or your spouse have started new relationships and you both feel it’s appropriate, you can include your new partners to create a sense of an extended family. Do something different each week to keep family night from feeling like an obligation or a chore.
Communicate Regularly
You and your spouse should get together to compare notes once a week to ensure everyone is on the same page. A part of successful co-parenting means enforcing the other parent’s decisions. If your ex-spouse says your oldest daughter is grounded from using her cell phone, you should enforce that decision during your custody period.
When giving out allowances, discuss the idea with your ex-spouse to ensure you both agree on how much is to be given. Making these decisions together will create a sense of unity, while also showing your children that they can’t play you against each other.
Talk to Your Children Often
You and your ex-spouse should make plenty of opportunities to talk about the divorce and custody arrangements with your kids so they can understand their feelings. Ask them how they’re feeling about the new family dynamic to show them that they can talk about their emotions openly and freely.
Kids take their cue from you and your ex-spouse, so don’t be afraid to express your feelings as well. Just remember to avoid painting your ex-spouse in a bad light.
Include Your Kids in Decisions
You can also help by including them in custody decisions and in the arrangements. By using a calendar to keep track of the days you switch custody with your ex-spouse, your kids will be able to learn their new schedule. This will help them feel more involved, so they will feel less out of control with the situation.
When there are discussions about switching up custody for a vacation or a holiday, try to involve your kids in that conversation.
A child custody lawyer will help make arrangements about switching up custody for a holiday or vacation. Therefore, it is essential to hire one for yourself as soon as possible. Also, try to involve your kids in the conversation.
Doing things to help them feel included in these decisions will help them adjust better to their new extended family.
Following these tips can help you manage your co-parenting obligations a little better. When you show your kids that you and your ex-spouse will still be supportive parents, it will be a little easier for them to accept the divorce. In the end, this will help your family maintain healthier relationships with one another and with others.
